Choosing a Wedding Party

In bridal parties across North America, we typically see brides surrounded by 4 or 5 girls in matching gowns: their lovely bridesmaids.  I've actually seen wedding parties with up to 8 or 9 girls and guys on each side of the bride and groom!  Yikes.  And what do we generally hear from these loyal, loving bridesmaids?  We hear about what a Bridezilla their BFF Suzy was for making them buy $400 matching dresses that they'll never wear again.  Or how Suzy gave her bridesmaid, Penny, the stink-eye when Penny showed up to one of her eight showers 25 minutes late.  Or how ticked off they are that they are expected to give $100 presentation, even though they've already spent upwards of $700 just to meet all the bride's demands. 

Sounds like a blast, doesn't it?

Over time the bridesmaids start wishing that Suzy didn't consider them to be such close friends, and they could be just one of the many guests whose only responsibility was to show up.

Jason and I are taking a different approach.  We have chosen to ask one friend each to stand up for each of us.  In Jason's case it is his best friend of nearly 30 years, Enzo (whom I don't think he has even asked yet, but it's kind of a given).  And I have asked my lovely, dear friend Tara.  Her and I have been close for about 5 years, and we have talked about our wedding day long before either of us were engaged.  Incidentally, she is getting married in Mexico at the end of January, and sadly I am unable to attend, due to my studies.  I have, however, seen her in her dress and let me tell you she is GORGEOUS!  A real life Princess Bride.

We have chosen to skip the massive bridal party to keep matters simple.  Once we start choosing some friends and not others, feelings inevitably get hurt.  Who do you leave out?  This problem is actually more Jason's than mine; I have a small group of intimate friends, and he is a real guy's guy with a lot of close friends and was having trouble on deciding who to ask and who to leave out.

Also, there is the matter of the matching dresses... If I were to have a bridal party exceeding all of one gal, would I enforce the matching dress rule?  To be honest, I couldn't decide.  My inclination was to let the girls pick out their own dress.  Something they liked, within their budget, and above all, something they could get multiple wears out of.  But what if I ran into the problem of not liking what they picked?  I know, this is a bit shallow, but in all honesty it did cross my mind.

Another reason we decided not go for a full on bridal party:  Our age.  I am now 32 and Jason is 40.  Next year, when we marry, we will be 33 and 41.  This is by no means old, but I believe that since Jason is over the 40 mark, our wedding should reflect this. I am not saying that having large bridal parties is immature, but I do think that opting away from it is a little more 'grown up'.

For us, the simplicity of having one person stand up for each of us feels natural and appropriate.  We dearly love our family and friends, and I don't think I need to throw six girls in matching dresses to prove it. 

So...  Tara can wear whatever she wants, as long as it's not her own wedding gown... that would be weird.

Jason (left) and Enzo (right) at Jason's 40th BDay celebrations, Me (left) and Tara (right) in Montreal last May.